Doug and I have known each other for nearly 30 years. We met at summer church camp prior in the year of our Lord, 1995. I was preparing for my sophomore year in high school while Doug was a youth pastor at one of the churches in the state that utilized the camp.

We connected quickly as there was similarity and overlap in our experiences growing up; despite an age difference of a decade.

5 years later, I spent my summer as a youth ministry intern working with Doug at my home church.

While I certainly could elaborate on several of the events of those 3 months working together, what I would want to highlight most is this:

A lifelong friend is a gift and privilege.

Our friendship, in many respects, was founded on and remains anchored by one central theme –

Fatherhood

Doug had two daughters at the time we worked together. They were 5 and 3 at the time. I remember interactions and conversations with and about his daughters to this day – one in particular remains controversial as he does not recall the event happening and I remember it quite vividly!

Over the course of 30 years of friendship and the 10 year age disparity; a dichotomy of similarity and difference has existed between us.

And, at times, that dynamic has caused tension, disagreement, and difficulty that he and I have worked hard to address and move through.

I am proud of our friendship and the work we’ve done to cultivate and maintain it.

A lifelong friend is a gift and a privilege.

Much can and often changes over the course of years and decades.

I have a young daughter.

Doug has a young granddaughter.

A week or so ago, we were catching up. Naturally, much of the conversation centered around children and grandchildren. The discussion of personalities, activities, and interests quickly centered on one unique item of furniture.

The Toddler Stand

Doug’s sentiment echoed of present appreciation and missed application for enjoyment in the past.

“If only it had been invented when my kids were that age!”

The toddler stand, as the kids say, is a game-changer.

I’ll do my best to offer a vivid and accurate description.

At its core, the stand is a stair-step with a toddler sized enclosure to allow the child a secure place to be involved in the activities going on around them!

This wonderful apparatus has become an essential element of enjoyment for my daughter as it enables interaction with the most important of her possessions at our house.

The Kitchen Sink

To be clear, my daughter has her very own working kitchen sink, counter, and cabinet play set. It’s an amazing product from an amazing company. Her understanding and use of her kitchen set as been amazing to observe over the course of the last year.

True to form for her, she has been more interested in the how of how it works and is put together more so than actually playing with it.

The transition from toddler sink to kitchen sink was quite natural and necessary – enabled by the presence of the toddler stand.

Hindsight is often where we see how a seemingly small and innocuous decision is actually the first domino to fall in a significant pattern and picture; only observable once the final piece falls and looked upon from an outside perspective.

Industrious

Independent

My daughter absolutely embodies these terms at her very young age. She loves to discover how things work. She investigates the manner in which items are constructed and put together. She tests the limits of their construction.

She also wants to do it herself.

Enter the kitchen sink.

While she has access to her own working sink – it is not ideal for filling her own cup for a drink of water.

Running > Standing

Dialogue with her about the merits of getting H2O from the big sink did not satisfy her need to do it herself.

Perhaps you’ll find comfort in knowing that its not just you who takes longer than you’d like making decisions or coming to important conclusions.

Once discovering, once again, that reason and logic with a determined toddler only go so far – I began to lift her over the kitchen sink to fill her own cup of water.

While more effective, this methodology also contained a few shortfalls.

My daughter is not a tiny-tot. She never has been… Holding her, suspended and outstretched, over the sink and across to the faucet, becomes quickly tiring. It also created an entirely new adventure for her.

Newfound access to aquatic technology only added to her industrious and independent nature! Water and cups were no longer for filling for the purpose of drinking!

Again, it took me far too long to see and connect the solution before me – the Toddler Stand!

Realizing she had safe and secure access to the sink, a new and exciting dynamic was created for both of us! I set up the stand at the sink. She has cups and toys and free reign of the faucet – once I set the temperature!

She in on wash duty.

My primary responsibility – when she says “soapy” –

I spray the cups or sponge or bowl or rubber duckies –

With Foamy Soapy

Fun and success were found early.

And so was the scrub brush…

Without getting too much into the nitty-gritty; my daughter quickly discovered the scrub-brush I use for the nitty-gritty of dish-doing.

To be fair, it sits on the ledge of the sink.

Reading this far, you should be able to surmise the pattern – all discussions about not using the brush because it is icky were proven pointless.

The remedy seemed simple enough…

$3.99

Her very own scrub-brush.

If only it were really that simple.

Over the course of an afternoon and evening, the scrub-brush were involved in a myriad of cleaning activities.

She started at the sink. Ventured to her sink. The refrigerator and it’s decorative shark magnets. Most of the house seemed to be impacted by an industrious little girl and her desire to scrub!

What I did not realize in the midst of the polish and shine was the scrub brush making its way to the nightstand…

Which brings me back to –

Free Will

It was previously written that I do my very best to give my daughter the dignity of choice and honor her wishes and will – especially when she is in the possession of items that are, indeed, belonging to her.

That is, unless, they pose a risk to her immediate physical safety.

She relocated her scrub-brush as we were attempting bedtime.

Bedtime is not the ideal-time for scrub-time.

Along with the necessity for rest, is the reality that the scrub brush posed a safety risk as it relates to sleeping.

My daughter has a litany of shark stuffies, as well as other dinosaurs and creatures that often accompany her through sleep and dream time.

This particular night, she wanted her scrub-brush.

The primary issue is that her brush has a sharp, scraping edge for the hard to remove food left behind on

Pots,

and Pans,

and Plates,

Oh my…

That edge, while useful in the intended setting, would prove harmful in her tiny hands in another environment.

Mine! Mine! Let go!

We both held onto the brush.

Her heart seemed attached in a significant way to both the brush itself and the reality that dad was going to take it away.

And yet, the reality was, that allowing her to hold onto this item, at that time, would only cause her potential harm.

So, as her dad…

I held onto the brush…

Reassured her the best I could…

Validated her emotions…

Took the brush….

And then, as her dad, I did something that I’ve not done before….

I stayed close and offered her my presence – while she cried herself to sleep…

In many cases, after so many words, this would be the point where I’d wrap the blog up with a shiny Christmas bow…

Not in this case…

During this same period of time, I sensed the Lord asking me a simple question – one centering around my belief about my identity, worth, and the corresponding choices I make from those beliefs.

His question was…

Challenging

Revealing

Hopeful

Until it wasn’t…

Everything the Lord seemed to be highlighting prompted me to look up –

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills,

from whence cometh my help.

My help cometh from the Lord,

which made heaven and earth.

Psalm 121:1,2

Circumstances all around reminded me of what I had believed and sought to reinforce that my worth was even less than what the Lord was challenging me to confront and consider.

I was a wreck by the time evening came – wanting to do nothing more than employ a time-honored strategy in my life for such moments as this –

Isolation

There was a two-fold issue to this happening.

Plans for dinner with a friend

Accountability from another friend

Erik and I sat in my car outside the restaurant.

He listened.

He held space.

I cried…

And then,

He prayed…

As he did, a point came where he, or Holy Spirit, promoted me to release that which was too heavy for me…

Through tears, I spoke words that would indicate doing just that – releasing a burden I could not and never would be able to carry.

Erik then asked, what Holy Spirit was saying to me –

Silence

Not only did I not hear anything from the Lord, I could also feel in my spirit, soul, and body, that I had not actually released anything to him…

No words.

No movement.

And then I saw it…

The scrub-brush…

It was visible.

And tangible.

Contained in this tiny item were all the beliefs, questions, doubts, and fears about who I am, what I am worthy of, what to do, what to say, and what is going to happen.

I could feel the weight of it all.

How tightly I was holding onto it…

My resistance to letting it go –

I don’t know who I am without it! –

I spoke aloud to the Lord, in the presence of my friend.

At the time the Lord was speaking to me –

I don’t remember what he said.

What I do recall is this –

He was also holding onto the brush –

And He wasn’t letting go…

As His grip tightened, I said to Him, once again –

Aloud

I don’t trust you with it!

He is far better than I’ve known…

Before my heart or mind could formulate any semblance of thought –

The Lord responded…

The four most beautiful words I’ve ever heard.

You’re

Not

In

Trouble.

I had no idea how badly I wanted to hear Him say that.

Needed to hear him say that…

Countless times I’ve said that to my daughter. In moments where she is tired, angry, deregulated, or sad.

Then I hug her and hold her.

And she settles.

Somehow she knows, once again, that dad loves her.

That she’s safe with me.

And that I’ll take care of her.

I felt His presence with His words.

Hugged and held by a Good Father.

My soul settled.

I was reminded…

Once again

That I’m safe with Him –

And that He will –

Take care of me…

The Father loves me too much to simply take something from me..

And…

He loves me far too much to let go of something that He knows Will continue to harm me.