In the midst of all the excitement, wonder, amazement, and change that accompanied the birth of my daughter was the realization of just how much I didn’t know.

For instance – I didn’t know how to secure an infant in a car seat. And yet, somehow, adults set us off not less than four days after her arrival.

Diaper changes

Burping

Swaddling

There were so many practical aspects of caring for this wonderful and beautiful, brand new little person; with what seemed a slim and substantial learning curve. This was all without the benefit of experience being around infants, babies, and parents.

The potential for skills acquisition in the first month of a baby’s time outside the womb is incredible! Often, I would reflect back and marvel the many things I learned to do in those first days and weeks!

Learning was not limited simply to abilities…

Having never been a parent before, there was so much I didn’t consider or comprehend.

Before my daughter was born, I would hear parents relate the age of their infant using the standard language of weeks…

How old is your little one…?

Oh, he’s 15 weeks…

I didn’t get it.

Not only was I not familiar with the Standard Infant Age Measuring Procedures; I hadn’t considered why it would be relevant or necessary to use weeks, and later months, to inform others of the age of my infant.

That changed quickly.

Because my daughter grew and changed.

Quickly.

And the time also passed.

Quickly.

Within the week to week and month to month, she grew and developed in the most amazing of ways! And many of the milestones of that growth were news to me!

Smiling

Whether in the hospital or back at home, I was convinced that my daughter had smiled! And why wouldn’t she!?

As it turns out, she wouldn’t, intentionally smile, because that takes place developmentally at the 6 to 8 week range… The pediatrician quickly burst that bubble of excitement at our first well-baby visit.

Well-Baby Check-Up – More vernacular in the learning curve…

Just one example of why the weeks measurement is realistic and relevant.

It also provided anticipation for when she might smile on her own!

Motor Skills

Another term I heard in conversation once I was a parent.

Fine Motor. Gross Motor.

After hearing them used at a well-baby visit, I again leaned into asking a question that was becoming all too familiar…

What do those terms mean?

Fine motor skill referred to the precise function of her fingers. While this is most likely not even close to a clinical definition, its how I understand it.

One of the most astonishing aspects of my daughter is how detailed and meticulous is! From very early on – though I don’t recall the week range at this point – she would see the freckles on my arm and try to grab them with her fingers.

One at a time!

She was and is so observant and precise!

Gross motor referred to the bigger actions; using her hands to grab the edge of her crib or a stuffy.

Again, this is most likely not the clinical definition; as I am not a pediatrician nor have I ever played one on television.

As astounding as fine motor skill was to observe in action; gross motor would become a significant reference point in both my priorities as her dad and my experience with God as my Father.

Give and Take

These verbs are very much a part of adult functioning and relating. Relationships require give and take. Another way of saying it –

Compromise

Give and take absolutely take place in the world of parents and infants.

More often than not, my daughter would end up holding a pair of socks. She would investigate with her eyes. She would squeeze with her hands. Turn them over and around. Pull on threads.

I would watch her interact and wonder why she didn’t want a stuffy instead…

Yet, that’s not the point.

In those moments, a recognition came that her mind, will, and emotion were both at work, and of the utmost importance.

As her dad, and as the adult – with all the power – the easy action would be to simply take the socks from her and give her the stuffy.

However, that doesn’t honor her. It does not demonstrate that her desires and free will are precious and worthy of protection.

Rather than simply taking the socks from her, I would propose a trade.

Sometimes the trades were quick and easy.

On other occasions, I would rotate through a myriad of options of plush animals before she would be compelled to relinquish her tightly held control of cotton foot coverings.

In the midst of seeing that what I held would ultimately be a much better option for her – as her dad – it was my privilege and responsibility to honor where she was at and demonstrate patience as she worked out what she wanted.

Even and especially as an infant.

In a very similar manner, I had spent much of my adult life committed to specific beliefs about God.

He Is

Distant

Disappointed

Angry

Apathetic

When I looked through the lens of my experience, that was how I saw him.

I chose that viewpoint.

My freewill informed my perspective.

My grip on those beliefs was unrelenting.

Until it wasn’t…

As far as the Father and I had come in a few years time, there was still a block.

I believed God was good. It was His goodness towards me that I held in question.

In the midst of the life I had been trying to hold together finally giving way – something shifted inside of me, in the midst of all the uncertainty.

Pain

Loss

Confusion

A simple text message. Sent to a friend about a year ago.

I was going to read the Psalms and write down everything written about God.

The message to my friend –

“I’m going to believe what the Bible says about God, instead of my experiences.”

At the time, I was completely unaware of the significance of that decision.

For all of the sermons, podcasts, worship songs, processing pain, and prayers of others – nothing seemed to really bring about the change that I had hoped for.

Faith I had witnessed in others and their affection for a loving and present Heavenly Father.

I had held firmly to a belief system that continued to fail me.

All the while, the Father had been so very close to me.

Honoring my free will.

Offering something so much better.

He loved me patiently. He let me hold tightly to something far inferior to what He had Always offered.

Until I was ready to make a trade…

To give Him what I had so tightly held onto.

And to take what He so graciously gives.

My experience of Him…

He is Far better than I had ever hoped or imagined.